At Home with the Slaggs - part Nine

Marjorie, in many ways, was still a young woman.  So she bore the consequences of the Big Chief's visit.  

 "Bugger!"

 Paul, of course, embraced their new arrival.  He was dotty about children, and had always wanted more.  His Own preferably, but never mind.  

 Marjorie could hear Paul's heavy sighs as he resigned himself to never fathering a child of his own.  She knew what she had to do:

 And she presented him with the very thing he needed to see most. 
"A little something for you, Paul," Marjorie whispered.

 "Oh Marjorie!  Thank you so much!  Now I feel complete and whole again.  I am so grateful!"  Paul was overjoyed, even though he couldn't remotely remember doing it with his wife for the last few years.

"Good," Marjorie said, "I'm off out!  You can change it's fucking nappy!"

 Before she left the house, Marjorie quickly destroyed the forged DNA papers.  She didn't want Paul to examine them too closely.  It was naughty to tell lies, but to see the man's face light up like that......

This concludes the current series of The Slaggs.  
You may now Touch That Dial!!!

At Home with The Slaggs - part Eight

So, Running River and her Chief went to say farewell to the Amanda Ann's:

 At first, their hosts were frosty;
"You broke the heart of a good toff!  And now we've got a bloody chimp running about the house!", Paul accused.

 "But, oh boy, Paleface!  Big Chief - he hung like a goddammed horse!!!"

 "Really?? Oh, I mean, well, Really!!"

This was not the kind of thing we talked about in polite society, and so for a moment, there was a shocked silence.  


Then Marjorie moved over to the Big chief:

 "Erm...", she began tentatively, "We have an English tradition here.  You must escort the Lady of the house to the garden shed so she can er - examine the tools, so to speak"

 The Chief shrugged:  "Me buggered if me heard that one!".  But he followed Marjorie out to the garden all the same.  When in Rome and all that....

As the noise of the shed heaving up and down reached the conservatory, Running River turned to Paul expectantly, her eyes shining. 

However, his guest was to be disappointed:
"I'm sorry, Running River," Paul explained, "But I've gone gay - again."

"Heap load of shit!," the forthright native American cursed, "Gonna have to wait till reservation for some action!"

 Paul sat quietly and reflectively through the sounds of Marjorie's cries of ecstacy coming over the flower beds.  He was sad that his wife's leopard spots had not changed.  However, he wouldn't actually mind a go with Big Chief himself!

 Mary, serving the cake to their guest, was also reflective.  She wouldn't mind a go with that Big Chief herself.   That squaw didn't know she was born!

 And less than a few days later, back on home ground, the young bride got her heart's desire. All that could be heard along the plains were Running River's cries of ecstacy.

Tune in for the final installment, and see the consequences of Marjorie's toolshed frolics.

Same time, same channel, don't touch that dial!!!!

At Home with the Slaggs - Part Seven

Our hero, Mr Slagg, defended his own squaw admirably:

"Oi you!  Hands orf my bird!"

"Not after your bird, umm silly old fart!  me come for Running River!"

 Mr Slagg, hard put to contain his elation, said:

"We'll need to build a bigger canoe now, of course, but if we work all night...."

"Naw!  Screw that!  Got Business Class on Virgin!" 

 

Lord Posh appeared suddenly:

"You will Not have her!  Running River is mine!  I'll fight you to the death, Little Plum!  By God!  I will!"

"No umm need", Chief replied, "I bring goods for umm trade."

  Running River cannot believe her eyes. 

"It's Big Chief!  You came for me!"

"Yes, Squaw, you return to reservation now!"

 "Umm, sorry Poshie, gotta get flight to Nebraska!  Forgive Running River, umm?"

"Look at fine gifts umm future husband bring, and umm fags from Duty Free..."

"Yes, Lord Posh, dear.  You've always wanted a chimp, haven't you. And you can give those fags to Paul for Christmas.   Wish them well now, and stay for supper."

 So, like a true toff, Lord Posh kept a stiff upper lip, and accepted his gifts with grace.  He then joined the Slaggs for a liver casserole, and waited for Bella to get back from car washing at Tesco's.  

Tune in same time, same channel for the Chief and Running River's departure.  

Don't touch that dial!!!!