Upon discovery, Mr Slagg explained an (edited) version of Running River's presence. All the same, Mrs Slagg did her nut:
"Oh, you wicked girl! How could you break a good toff's heart like that?!
"Hey, old woman.", Running River huffed, "You no understand. Gotta get back to reservation. New Chief hung like....."
"Ha, ha!", Mr Slagg cut in, "Very funny, my dear."
Suddenly, Lord Posh appears at the Slagg's humble abode!
"My dear little Squaw!", our hero bursts, "I have searched everywhere for you, my deep and lasting love!"
Then suddenly:
A Big Indian Chief appears before Mrs Slagg.
"Oo-er!", were the words she uttered.
Is this Mrs Slagg's lot? Will Mrs Slagg be scalped? Or whisked off to the other side of Nebraska to become a sex slave on a reservation? Will she have to obey this robust and handsome Indian Chief's every whim?
Tune in, same time, same channel....
Don't touch that dial!!!!
Meanwhile, Poshie and Running River were very much an Item
- Or were they?
Lord Posh dressed his new Gal with every finery, and he was hearing wedding bells
But all Running River seemed to hear were messages of running hooves from her sister-in-law back at the settlement.
. Poshie sighed:
couldn't she use a fucking phone like everyone else? He'd bought her the i-phone 5 for Lands sake!
So one morning, when Mr Slagg left the house to do his son's gardening, he saw Running River waiting for him.
With the current state of things indoors, she was the last person he wanted to see. He didn't need any reminders of their embarassing fumble.
"Please, Charlie, me need um help." She fought back tears.
Mr Slagg was unmoved:
"Not bloody likely! And besides you're about to be Lady of the Manor, aren't you?"
"No, Charlie. Sister-in-law drummed me last night. New Chief now. He got umm four wheel drive and plasma TV screen. In with um chance. Before other squaw get claws in."
Despite his gloomy state of mind, Mr Slagg had to chuckle:
"Oh come, my dear. You can't throw away everything for such shallow reasons. Anyway, Lord Posh has a range rover, and I'm sure he'll upgrade that black and white television set for you."
"Sister in law also say, new Chief hung like a horse!"
"Let's go and mend that canoe", Mr Slagg sighed, "But you'll have to hide for a while. Can't have Mrs Slagg seeing you."
But it was too late:
"And Who might this be?" Mrs Slagg demanded.
"Lumme!", said Mr Slagg
How will Mr Slagg and Running River explain their way out of this? Will Running River get back across the Atlantic? And will Mr Slagg avoid a cuff round the ear?
Tune in, same time, same channel!
Don't touch that dial!!!!
We now seem to be in possession of a new bed. Better for my poor old back, than that plastic retro crap! Bloody ebay!
Sadly, it did nothing for mine and Mrs Slagg's Union. It could not bring about that much longed-for spark.
If only I didn't see the young Tarantella Slagg (from 30 years ago) everywhere I went.
Especially in the bathroom.
So, one winter's evening, when Tarantella returned from the Amanda-Ann house, I explained how I felt. It was dishonest to live in the past, and to deceive this good woman.
"I can only see the young You, Tarantella. I only see that raven-haired stunning gypsy you once were. I see your former self everywhere in this house"
"Oh, you silly bugger!" Mrs Slagg declared:
"This is Bella. I met her in Tesco car park. I promised her she could sleep in the bathroom if she cleaned the house! She don't speak much English tho'. Don't know how much she understood."
I gulped: "She's been in the bathroom the whole time? She's a real person?"
"Yes, dear. Never seen a tiled floor so clean! Now, do you want your brisket stew or not?"
Bugger! Now I've got to avoid two women in the house!
Which way will Mr Slagg turn? Will he stay and fight? Or will he throw in the towel, and kip on his son's chaise lounge?
Sadly things only get worse for poor Mr Slagg. Tune in same time, same channel, to see how our hero fights for another day.
Don't touch that dial!!!!
