At Home with the Slaggs Summer Special

Mr Slagg, in his new role, is currently enjoying a vacation in Malibu:

While sighing wistfully for a view of Frinton-on-Sea, he receives a long-distance call from his enstranged wife:

"Charlie, it's imperative you come back right away!", Mrs Slagg pleaded (over speakaphone.)

"Your bloody parents are here!  Wot am I gonna tell them?!"

At these words, Mr Slagg jumped on the nearest flight to Basildon Airport.  Yes, this would be most awkward indeed.  

He had never been close with his father, he knew he hadn't come up to the old man's expectations.  

It was hard to tell him he was separated from his bride, and had become a gay sex slave.  

His relationship with his mother wasn't any better.  She was disappointed at the lack of grandchildren, especially as the Rumanian adoptees had now been deported.  

Mr Slagg rushed straight to the kitchen:
"You look very tanned", Mrs Slagg said sniffily.
"It ain't all that, Tarantella, believe me.  How's me dog and tortoise?"
"Missing you.", she said accusingly.  In truth, so was Mrs Slagg, but she kept quiet.

"Hello, me boy!"  Mr Slagg senior greeted his only child.  "Congratulations on marrying such a lovely girl.  You've (finally) done us proud, son!"

Mr and Mrs Slagg sighed:  They cannot live a lie, so reluctantly, Mr Slagg took his father to one side:

"Look Dad..." he began

Likewise, Mrs Slagg had the unenviable task of putting her mother-in-law in the picture......

"Oh", his Dad exclaimed, "Is that all ??"

Mr Slagg looked at his father in a daze:

"Me and your mum have had an open marriage for some time..."

"In fact, I was wondering if you'd pop out for a while.  Got a right little cracker coming round!"

"And I've got a superstud arriving at the same time!", Mrs Slagg senior cackled lecherously.  

"Whaaattt????"  The estranged couple cried in unison.

"Sod this, Tarantella!  This can only mean one thing...."
"You mean....?" She held her breath.
"Yes!  We're orf to Jaywick!!"
"Oh Charlie", Mrs Slagg sighed with sheer happiness.  

Have a lovely summer, fans.  (What's left of it!)